Monogamy is the practice or state of being married and/or having a sexual relationship with one partner. Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships, with the consent of all the people involved. People often confuse polyamory with polygamy. Polygamy is being married to multiple partners. A Healthline article, says a 2021 study suggests that 4%-5% are in non-monogamous relationships. How is a polyamorous relationship formed? How is love divided in a polyamorous relationship? How do society and people at Glenbard North view this practice? In the past decades, society has improved with their open- mindedness. But is there a limit? And if so, is the limit polyamory?
There are a few different types of polyamorous relationships. First, there is polyfidelity, polyfidelity is where the partners in the group agree not to have a romantic or sexual relationship with people who are not in the group. There is a triad which is three people dating each other. A quad is four people dating each other. There is a vee which is when one person is dating two other people, but those two other people are not dating one another. A relationship anarchy is someone with multiple partners, friends, and lovers who they value and love, but does not treat one relationship more seriously just because they are romantically and/or sexually involved. There are also a few other types of polyamorous relationships. A polyamorous relationship could choose to be open or closed. Open meaning that the people in the relationship are allowed to bring in other people in their relationship. In a closed polyamorous relationship, the group has stopped growing.
According to an article by Rohini Radhakrishan, ENT, Head and Neck Surgeon, most people in polyamorous, or consensual non-monogamous relationships, have the common belief that one singular person cannot fulfill their needs in a relationship. Some polyamorous relationships start off as an polyamorous relationship, with three or more people agreeing to form a relationship together. Another common way a polyamorous relationships are formed is when someone in a monogamous relationship invites another person into their relationship with the other person’s consent. In an Allo Health article, it says that although jealousy and insecurity is a common feeling in any relationship, it is especially impactful and common in a polyamorous relationship. It is important for them to establish boundaries, spend alone time with each partner, having regular check-ins with everyone, and seeking therapy if needed or beneficial. People find different ways to separate their time between each partner in polyamorous relationships. Each relationship is different, but in a Quora post shared by Cat Wilson, she explains that she is in a triad and has an organized schedule to separate her time with both partners. They schedule who’s in which bed at night, schedules dates with all three of them, and schedules dates with only one of the partners at a time. Cat says that they try to have a day once a month for alone time, but since maintaining a polygamous relationship is more time consuming, it’s more like one day every two months.
The first interviewee was Carolyn Rehak, a Glenbard North teacher in the history department. The first question I asked Rehak is if she could see herself in a polyamorous relationship. She said, “No. I’m too jealous of a person”
The next person interviewed was Eric Wilson ‘25. I asked him if he could see himself in a polyamorous relationship where he responded, “I don’t see myself in that kind of relationship. I just want one wife.”
Another person interviewed and asked if she could see herself in a polyamorous relationship was Margaret Quinn, a GN teacher in the English department. She answered, “I don’t think so. I think I would feel that I want just that one person to know that I was their priority and that they were mine.”
Although there are polyamorous relationships that are happy, healthy, and consensual, there are cases where being with or putting someone in a polyamorous relationship can be used as a manipulation tactic. In a Medium article by Astra Adara, she explains that forcing a partner into polyamory is a form of abuse. For example, if someone cheated on their partner and then says that they were polyamorous and/or says something on the line of “you wanted this,” that is a form of manipulation and gaslighting. Another way that a polyamorous relationship could be used to manipulate people is by weaponizing jealousy. Jealousy can be in all relationships but can be especially impactful in a polyamorous relationship. The article claims that jealousy is nobody’s fault or responsibility except for the person who is jealous. Manipulators can use jealousy by telling their partners that they feel jealous, but not explaining why, making their partners feel guilty. Manipulation tactics can be used in any sort of relationship, but the idea of forcing people into polyamorous relationships and weaponizing jealousy, means that manipulation can be more severe and damaging in polyamorous relationships.
Another question for Quinn was if she believes in a soulmate. She responded, “No I think that there’s people that you are more compatible with but I don’t think that there’s just one person for every person.”
The definition of the word heteronormative is relating to, or based on the attitude that heterosexuality is the only normal and natural expression of sexuality. In a TeenVogue article by Kristen Cochrane, she explains that heteronormativity sets the standard of everyone being straight and cisgender as the norm. This relates to the topic of polyamory because heteronormative people also assume that everyone is monogamous. People in non-monogamous relationships and people a part of the LGBTQ+ community encounter family rejection and discrimination due to a variety of different ideas, one of which being heteronormativity. Another term to note is compulsory monogamy, a culture that assumes that everyone strives to be married (or partnered) to/with one person and finds complete fulfillment in that romantic endeavor. Compulsory monogamy is the belief that one partner can fulfill every need and desire in a romantic relationship. Most people in romantic relationships are in a monogamous relationship and it is enough for them. But it is key to keep in mind that a few people might prefer to be in a non-monogamous relationship.
Wilson was questioned on his thoughts about people who are in a polyamorous relationship. He said, “I feel like they’re going to get overwhelmed. Like the wives asking them to do stuff and it’s just so much.”
Another question for Rehak was her thoughts on people who are in a polyamorous relationship. She answered, “I think that if it works for the people in the polyamorous relationship, then that’s great. I think that for people, being polyamorous is something that isn’t necessarily a choice, it’s something that they feel inside of them, and so they find other people that feel that same way and if they set guidelines, they set boundaries within that polyamorous relationship, I think that it can be a healthy and fulfilling one.”
A question for Quinn was if she thought one romantic partner could fulfill what she was looking for in a relationship. She replied, “I think that one partner could be that, a partner in life. I think that there’s lots of platonic relationships in my life like family members and really close friends, and other support systems that would definitely lean on for other things, but I think I would want to have one partner in a romantic relationship and I think they will be able to fulfill the thing I would be looking for.” Another question for Quinn was how she felt about people in a polyamorous relationship. She answered, “I think it’s really interesting to know what works for different people and I think that everyone should be able to do what works for them.”