Boys don’t cry. A commonly used phrase in society. A phrase people hear when they are only kids starting to learn society’s rules. How harmful could these three words be? How harmful could this stereotype of men being tough guys who shouldn’t cry because it makes them look weak be? They are told or at least encouraged not to show emotions because boys are not the emotional ones. Girls are. But what happens the day when it becomes too much? What happens when the only way to express themselves is to start yelling at someone, do drugs, or perform an act of violence? You have to wonder, could all these things be prevented if we encourage men to talk about their feelings or give them a second to cry? Or is it too late and toxic masculinity has already taken control over and inspired men on how they are “supposed” to act?
In a National Crime Victim study in 2007 they found that 75.6% of all offenders were male and 20.1% were female. In the rest of the cases, the victims were unable to identify the gender of the offender. In a Science Focus article by Luis Villazon, he says that sociologists believe men are more violent because of their gender roles. He claims that in many cultures, boys are raised to believe it is important to be dominant and competitive. The reason why men are more violent than women is because of society’s stereotypes putting pressure on men and encouraging the stereotypes to win, this is one of many examples of toxic masculinity.
The definition of toxic masculinity is a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and society as a whole. Toxic masculinity can be caused by family expectations, partner expectations, or society’s expectations. This might affect a male’s ability to express themselves, cooperation skills, or kindness. In a WebMD article by Sarah Vallie, she explains that yes, as toxic masculinity could be harmful to the man himself, it’s also harmful to society and people around. Toxic masculinity encourages aggression to assert dominance which could lead to violence. Aggression and violence can happen when a man feels like he has failed to live up to expectations. A few of the causes of toxic masculinity is a dysfunctional family, violence, and lack of self control. The writer of the WebMD article believes that toxic masculinity could be prevented if we increase community rather than competition, teach men about open-mindedness, and create an environment where they feel free to express emotions.
Tori Hernandez, ’25, discussed how dominant she thinks toxic masculinity is in our society today. She answered, “I think it’s better now than it was because now people talk more about mental health and so I feel like [society is] more open and more acceptable to people, men specifically, men with their emotions.”
Nestor Perez, ’25, also discussed how dominant he thinks toxic masculinity is in our society today. He responded, “I think it’s pretty dominant. I think it happens way too much.”
Eli Polak, ’25, also discussed the topic and said, “I’d say very dominant. It’s very prominent in social groups.”
In society, men are expected to be strong, aggressive, and tough. Men are also associated with professionalism and leadership. In a 2015 study by ScienceDirect, they found that men who cried at work were viewed as less successful or not as smart as women who cried at work. In a Forbes article by Shelley Zalis, she says that more than one-third of our male population thinks that society expects them to be strong and tough. A Pursuit article by Michelle Stratemeyer, Dr Elise Holland, and Adriana Vargas Saenz, University of Melbourne, claims that men are less likely to seek therapy because of their ideas of traditional masculinity. Because of this, men have higher rates of suicide, are more likely to drink alcohol excessively, and are more likely to smoke.
A question I asked Hernandez was how she felt about men who express their emotions. She responded, “I think it’s normal for everyone to express their emotion. Everyone is going to have emotions. Everyone’s going to have bad days and good days.”
A question I asked Ben Skeggs, ’25, was how he feels about men who express their emotions. He said, “I think that they are more emotionally intelligent. [Talking about your emotions] can help you be a better person.” Another question I asked Ben was if he thought society suppresses people’s emotions. He answered, “I think that used to happen a lot more. I think society is getting a little better at helping people express emotions.”
Another cause of toxic masculinity and explanation of the amount of violence of men compared to women, is how much men cry. Research by the American Psychological Association claims that the average number of women who cry emotional tears are thirty to sixty-four times a year. While men cry emotional tears five to seventeen times a year. There’s benefits to crying, like feeling calm afterwards, relieves pain, and releases a number of stress hormones. When people cry or do anything that causes satisfaction, it releases a feel good chemical called endorphins. People with depression have overactive endorphins which means their bodies release endorphins in response to certain things which usually wouldn’t release endorphins. That is why it is important to cry, express emotions, or perform an activity that gives satisfaction, so you release endorphins to feel better.
Another question for Hernandez was if crying was beneficial to her mood. She said, “Honestly ya, because whenever I cry I just feel better because I feel like crying helps.”
The next response about crying was from Skeggs. I asked him if he thought crying benefited his mood. He responded, “Yes. Not fake crying but when you have to.”
The final person I asked about crying was Polak. I asked them if they thought crying was beneficial to their mood. They responded, “Yes definitely. It helps me express my emotions more accurately.”
Society has drawn up and shared their views on men. Men are supposed to be tough. Men are not supposed to express their feelings, otherwise they are viewed as weak. This reading has shown the effects of men who don’t show their emotions, benefits of crying, and causes and effects of toxic masculinity. We as individuals need to shut out these intoxicating stereotypes of men and feel free to express our emotions and cry freely.